J. Stevens

Older people tend to be happier. But why? Some psychologists believe that cognitive processes are responsible — in particular, focusing on and remembering positive events and leaving behind negative ones; those processes, they think, help older people regulate their emotions, letting them view life in a sunnier light. “There is a lot of good theory about this age difference in happiness,” says psychologist Derek M. Isaacowitz of Northeastern University, “but much of the research does not provide direct evidence” of the links between such phenomena and actual happiness.

In a new article in Perspectives on Psychological Science, a journal published by the Association for Psychological Science, Isaacowitz and the late Fredda Blanchard-Fields of Georgia Institute of Technology argue for more rigorous research.

Researchers, including the authors, have found that older people shown pictures of faces or situations tend to focus on and remember the happier ones more and the negative ones less. Other studies have discovered that as people age, they seek out situations that will lift their moods — for instance, pruning social circles of friends or acquaintances who might bring them down. Still other work finds that older adults learn to let go of loss and disappointment over unachieved goals, and hew their goals toward greater wellbeing.

What’s missing, say the authors, are consistently demonstrated direct links between these strategies and phenomena and changes of mood for the better. One reason, Isaacowitz suggests, is that lab tests yield results that are not straightforward. “When we try to use those cognitive processes to predict change of mood, they don’t always do so,” he explains. “Sometimes looking at positive pictures doesn’t make people feel better.” A closer review of the literature also reveals contradictions. Some people — younger ones, for instance — may make themselves feel better by accentuating the negative in others’ situations or characteristics. And whereas some psychologists find that high scores on certain cognitive tests correlate in older people with the ability to keep their spirits up, other researchers hypothesize that happiness in later life is an effect of cognitive losses — which force older people to concentrate on simpler, happier thoughts.

More rigorous methods probably won’t overthrow the current theories, says Isaacowitz, but they will complicate the picture. “It won’t be as easy to say old people are happier. But even if they are happier on average, we still want to know in what situations does this particular strategy make this particular person with these particular qualities or strengths feel good.”

Bron / source

• Believe that what you know is valuable. If it wasn’t then why are they coming to you? You’re their chance to solve a problem or find a solution. That has value. Charge for it.
• Create a fee schedule. Whenever someone wants to pick your brain, make sure you have your fee schedule in front of you. Give them a quote for how much it will cost them. They’ll either pay it or move on. If they move on, good riddance. They weren’t interested in paying you anyway. Let them figure it out on their own.
• Decline lunch/coffee invitations unless they are strictly non-business. If the conversation swings around to business, quickly and politely tell them you’re off the clock. If they are interested in a consult they can book an appointment and let them know what the charge is for that.
• Keep it light. Some of you will probably cave and throw a few nuggets out there. If you do (I hope you don’t), keep it general. Give the why and what but never the how. Anything beyond the why and what comes with a charge. And don’t even point them in the direction to obtain the how. That’s short changing yourself.
• Prominently post that there are no freebies. OK not in those words. But if you have a blog or website, and even on your social media profiles, make sure you mention that consultations are available at a fee.
• Exchange for equal value. This puts you in an advantageous bargaining position. If someone requests free information or help, you must feel comfortable in asking for an in kind value service. Assess what they have that can be of equal benefit for you. If they are genuine, they should have no problem in an even exchange of knowledge. Only you will know if what they have is equal to what you’re giving.
• Refer them to your ‘free’ resources. If you write a blog, have published articles, have archived videos or podcasts or have a show in which you dispense advice, refer them to that information. Explain that those are the only free information sources you offer. Anything specific or beyond what’s readily available has a cost.
• Don’t be afraid to send them to Google. You can recommend they go to Google, or any other search engine or to sites that have articles or information about what they need advice on. You can also recommend a book or magazine that might be helpful. Let them expend that energy they would have used in meeting you at Starbucks and hit the search engines to find their answers. Problem is, they’ll be overwhelmed with varying degrees of information. Not fun for them, but when they’re ready to put it in proper perspective and implement, they can come to you ‘for a consult’ a paid consult.
• Ask them for a paying referral. If they truly want your expertise, they have to be willing to help you out too. It’s kind of like the Equal Exchange point I made above crossed with paying it forward. Before you dispense any advice, ask them to provide you with referrals to others who most certainly need (and can afford) your service.
• Don’t back down. I know it’s hard to say ‘no’ sometimes. But you can’t back down. People will know how far they can bend or push you. Stand firm, set your boundaries and guard your treasures (your brain and the know how in it). The minute you compromise you devalue yourself and your expertise.

Most people are afraid to draw the hard lines in the sand for fear of angering a friend or losing a potential client or opportunity. Trust me, if they will walk away because they cannot get a freebie, they weren’t meant to be a client and there was no real opportunity in it for you.

Many in the marketing circles will tell you the freebie give away is vital. But it doesn’t always lead to a sale. Likewise giving away what you would do in a given situation during an interview will not necessarily lead to you being hired. It’s up to you to determine what you’re willing to give away and how much of it. Know your worth, understand your value. Stop being taken advantage of. No more freebies.

Til next time.

An article published in The Journal of Positive Psychology has researchers suggesting that humble people are more likely to be helpful than those with less humility.

Lead author Jordan LaBouff, Ph.D., a lecturer in psychology at the University of Maine said:

“The findings are surprising because in nearly 30 years of research on helping behavior, very few studies have shown any effect of personality variables on helping … The only other personality trait that has shown any effect is agreeableness, but we found that humility predicted helping over and above that.”

Wade Rowatt Ph.D. professor of neuroscience at Baylor University, who led and co-authored the study, said that a decision to help someone out, was mainly influenced by circumstantial issues, such as time pressure, number of bystanders, momentary feelings of empathy, or a person’s own distress. 

The research was carried out with three studies of college students. First the student were asked to evaluate themselves, and those that reported being humble also reported being more helpful. The researchers statistically controlled other factors such as agreeableness to balance the results. 

However people are prone to exaggerate and over or under report their own personal traits. So the later research attempted to balance out this problem in the data collection. The second study had the students listen to a recording that was later meant for broadcast on the campus radio station. It recited the story of a student with a leg injury who was unable to attend class regularly. Students were asked how many hours over the next few weeks they could meet with the student to give him assistance. Those that reported being humble generally offered more time than the less humble. 

The last study used key words and association in quick succession to have the students analyze themselves. Stimulus words in the humble section included modest, tolerant, down to earth, respectful, and open-minded. Stimulus words in the arrogance portion included immodest, egotistical and conceited. 

Rowatt concluded that: 

“Our discovery here is that the understudied trait of humility predicts helpfulness … Important next steps will be to figure out whether humility can be cultivated and if humility is beneficial in other contexts, such as scientific and medical advancements or leadership development.” (laatste twee woorden door mij vetgedrukt, JS)

Original Source: “Humble persons are more helpful than less humble persons: Evidence from three studies” The Journal of Positive Psychology, DOI: 10.1080/17439760.2011.626787

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